There’s nothing better in the world than having a super supportive squad that you can depend upon. But sometimes you’ll have a friend who’s not exactly, well, friendly. She probably makes you feel bad about yourself whenever you hang out, and there’s just something about her that you can’t trust (which you’re probably right about). If this sounds familiar, you’re dealing with a toxic friendship. Toxic means exactly what it sounds like: gross, draining, and totally not good for you.
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Still not sure? Here are five signs to tell if your friend is actually toxic.
1. She Always Comes First
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She talks about herself and everything that’s going on with her life whenever you hang out, and hardly ever asks about what’s happening with you. And if she’s having a bad day, she expects you to drop everything and go to her house immediately with a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. It’s perfectly normal to lean on friends, but it’s NOT normal for someone to expect that you de-prioritize yourself for her needs.
2. She’s Never Happy For You
Instead of being happy that you got accepted into your dream school or that your crush finally asked you out, she’s the total opposite. She’s bitter and jealous, and she might even discredit your hard-earned work and amazing personality. She might say something like, “Oh, anyone can get into that school!” Or, “I guess he had no other options.” Yeah, not cool.
3. She Doesn’t Really Actually Care About You
Sure, she shows up at your birthday party or she likes having movie nights with you, but when it comes to the heavy-duty friendship stuff, she doesn’t want any part of it. She basically ghosted you when your boyfriend broke up with you or when your beloved pet dog passed away. That’s because her emotional needs come first, and she doesn’t want you to have more attention than her. Gross.
4. She Betrays Your Trust
A solid friendship is about sharing secret dreams, fears, and crushes, and trusting that those secrets will never be told to anyone. So when your friend told your crush that you like him, don’t ignore the gut feeling that tells you it’s a big deal. It IS a big deal. She’s not doing it because she has your best interests at heart; she’s doing it because she has HER best interests at heart. A friend who you can’t trust isn’t really a friend at all.
5. She Makes You Feel Soooooo Draiiiiinnnneeeed
Whenever you make plans with her, you are always looking for an escape route because the idea of seeing her stresses you out. In fact, whenever her name pops up on your phone, you ignore it and only answer her out of guilt. This is because after hanging out with her, you always need a bubble bath and a nap to fully recover. That’s your gut telling you again she’s not good for you; you should listen to it.
If you find that your bestie is, in fact, toxic, it’s up to you to decide whether you want to continue the friendship or break up. Keep in mind that you do not deserve to feel bad around a friend. Friends are supposed to elevate and support you — and never bring you down.
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