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Q: My BFF and I are like sisters. We are soooo close and we always tell each other everything. But this year we were put in different classes, and though we’ve tried to remain best friends as if nothing’s changed, I’ve noticed she’s moved onto making new friends a lot faster than I have. She’s even become super close to one girl in particular, and I feel like she’s replacing me! They hang out all the time and now she doesn’t have as much time for me anymore. I’m super upset. I want my friend back! What should I do?
A: Sorry to hear that! It stinks when a really solid friendship doesn’t feel so solid anymore, and NO ONE likes to think they’re being replaced. While friends do grow apart, it’s hurtful when even our closest friend blow us off because she’s found a new pal. Here are a few ideas to help you feel better when your BFF finds a new best friend.
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1. Make the First Move
I know, I know. You’re the one who’s feeling left out, so why should you make the extra effort? But here’s the thing: if your BFF means that much to you, then it shouldn’t feel like effort but something you want to do. Angry and hurt feelings destroy so many friendships on the reg, and it’s just not worth it. Be the bigger person and extend the olive branch. Text her and invite her out for a sushi and movie night. She’ll probably love to! If she says no, then move on. But at least you’ll know you’ve tried YOUR best.
2. Avoid Getting Clingy
It might be hard to accept, but your friend is allowed to make new friends. A genuine friend is happy for her friends who are changing and growing, which is what your BFF is doing by having a new bestie. Try to avoid feelings of jealousy and understand that space is important — and sometimes necessary — for friendships to evolve. If you become too possessive, it might turn off your friend for good. Besides, neediness typically means you’re more concerned with someone else’s life than your own, which is no bueno.
3. Make New Friends
If your BFF can make new friends, then so can you — and you totally should! Join a new activity that’s always interested you and don’t be afraid to share your awesome personality to new people. Expanding your social circle is really fun and you never know — maybe you’ll meet a new BFF.
4. Be Patient
Whenever we meet new friends, especially when we really connect with one, we tend to get super excited about it. It’s kind of like having a new bae. We want to hang with them all the time and they’re the first and last person we text/Snap/’gram everyday. Eventually, usually, the excitement dies down and the closeness we initially felt phases out. I’m not saying your friend will stop being friends with this new bestie, but it’s quite possible the novelty of their friendship will wear off, and she’ll be back to texting/Snapping/’gramming you morning and night like OGs. It’ll be up to you if you want things to go back to normal as if nothing happened — or not.