5 Powerful Messages I Took Away from Selena Gomez’s “It Ain’t Me”

Toxic relationships are out, self-love is so in

I have a confession to make. I am a 27-year-old newly converted Selena Gomez hyper fan. Like seriously, I think half the articles I’ve written for AwesomenessTV are about Selena. No shame.

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I’m five years too old to have gone through the fangirl Beiber/Selena syndrome (I was all about N’Sync), so, to me, Selena Gomez was always just the adorable chick who got her start on Barney in my hometown of Dallas. She was the Disney Channel girl whose songs I didn’t know.

This all changed for me when she took a break from music and went to rehab for depression and anxiety this past summer. I became so fascinated and proud that someone so young had the strength to say “I need help. This isn’t the life I want.” And then, like a phoenix rising from the ashes, she stepped back into the spotlight with a new and radiating self-love angle.

Selena now candidly reveals her imperfections and darker struggles, making her seem like a real this-coming-of age-thing-is-freaking-hard girl and, more importantly, she sends the message to other young girls that says “We ain’t perfect. That’s okay. Let’s do the best we can.”

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Selena has only released one song since she’s come back to music, and it’s an anthem of growing up and carving out the intoxicating but ultimately toxic things that drag you down.

As someone who went through this when I was Selena’s same 24-years, I was blown away by the complexity of this summertime dance tune and the powerful message it sends to us ladies (and gents!) when it comes to toxic relationships. So, without any further ado, here are the powerful things you can learn from Sel’s new tune.

1. It’s not your job to fix anyone.
“Who’s gonna walk you through the dark side of the morning?
Who’s gonna rock you when the sun won’t let you sleep?
…It ain’t me.”

Whoa!! Talk about powerful. As loving, compassionate, and caring as you may be, if someone is broken and self-destructive, it ain’t your job to fix them. You can love them but it’s not your job to nanny them. With the simple “It ain’t me,” she’s stating that she’s putting herself and her well-being first. This lyric is the ultimate self-love goodbye wave.

5 powerful messges i took from selena gomezs it aint me: selena gomez

2. It’s okay to grow up.

“Somewhere along the lines
We stopped seeing eye to eye
You were staying out all night
And I had enough.”

It’s okay to grow up and make healthier choices for yourself, and it’s also okay if it’s not at the same rate as the person you’re dating. Lowering yourself down to the level of your bf or gf might get you a few more nights of snuggling, but it’s ultimately going to hold you back from being the ultimate you.

3. Take the good, leave the bad.

“I’ll take with me
The Polaroids and the memories
But you know I’m gonna leave
Behind the worst of us.”

Some relationships end in flames. It sucks. This doesn’t mean you can’t walk away leaving the bad and still cherish the good memories you had with someone. Even if there was some bad (or a lot of bad), the good is still valuable. Someone frame this lyric for me. LOVE it.

5 powerful messages i took from selena gomezs it aint me: selena gomez

4. It’s okay not to look back.

“No, I don’t wanna know
Where you been or where you’re goin'”

Who else is guilty of holding on a little too long to someone with multiple social media stalkings per day? Sometimes, you keep your power by walking away and never looking back.

5. Bad boys are overrated.

“You were staying out all night
And I had enough.”

I think we all fantasize about broken and wounded boys. You’ll make him feel loved for the first time in his life, and then you’ll stay up and talk about Catcher in the Rye all night. Self-destructive habits aren’t sexy. Talking about Catcher in the Rye all night is though! You can keep that part.

6. Instead of the bad boy, aim for the good guy.

Bonus lesson! Look, we’re all gonna make our bad boy mistake at some point (I’ve had two already!); that’s how we learn. But let’s aim for the Ryan Goslings of the world, shall we?

5 powerful messages i took from selena gomezs it aint me: ryan gossling

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