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Q: So I was dating a guy for a month. I was really into him and he seemed into me. We were texting and Snapping everyday and we hung out a lot, so I thought things were going really good. Well, all of a sudden, I stopped hearing from him. He stopped texting and Snapping me. He doesn’t return my messages, nothing. And it’s been over a week! It’s like he just disappeared. My friends and I suspect that I’ve been ghosted, and I am NOT happy about it. I’m embarrassed and sad and, tbh, super mad too. What should I do about it?
A: Ugh. Ghosting is the WORST. One day you think everything is going well, and then your crush suddenly vanishes into thin air without giving a proper good bye, an explanation, or even a “It’s not you, it’s me” talk. Ghosting is NOT okay, but thanks to technology, it’s become way too common and way too easy for someone to say “bye” without actually saying “bye.” Being ghosted makes you feel confused, upset and frustrated because you’re left without knowing WHY someone dropped off the center of the earth. Here’s how you can handle it.
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1. Make Sure You’ve Been Ghosted
Sometimes stuff happens. A pet dies, a grandparent gets sick and then someone’s life gets turned upside down, which might explain why your boyfriend retreated. It’s POSSIBLE. Should he respond and tell you this? Yes, he should. But you also don’t want to call someone a ghoster when they’re not. So leave him another message and ask him, “Is everything OK? I haven’t heard from you and I’d like to know if you’re okay. Please let me know.”
2. Call Him Out On It
If boyfriend STILL hasn’t responded to your message, call him out. Tell him that you know exactly what he’s doing and why it’s hurtful to you. Message him: “I know you’re ghosting me. If you no longer wanted to be with me, I would have appreciated you at least showing me the proper respect by actually telling it to my face. I deserve that. But if you can’t even give me that, then I know you’re not the guy for me.” He probably won’t respond, but at least he knows that you know.
3. Accept the Ghosting
Coping with a breakup is never easy, but coping with one that ends in ghosting is way worse because you don’t receive any closure. You might even hang onto false hope, thinking that your boyfriend will return and want to pick up where he left off. Whatever you do, please, don’t do this! The faster you accept that you’ve been ghosted, the easier it gets for YOU to decide that it’s definitely over. Then you can move forward with the healing process.
4. No Haunting
This relates to the acceptance part. Accepting it’s really over between you and your ex means not haunting their social media sites. This means you’ll have to delete everything relating to them: Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. Not only will this prevent you from reaching out in anger or in a backslide moment, but this also purposefully removes him or her from your life. A person who ghosts does not deserve to know anything more about you.
5. Don’t Blame Yourself
Someone’s ghosting has nothing to do with you. This might be hard to believe right now, but it’s true. It’s not your fault that he didn’t have the maturity to properly communicate his feelings to you. As soon as you realize that someone’s behavior says way more about THEM than it is does about YOU, then suddenly you’ll be free of all feelings related to guilt and shame. Besides, you’ve got way more in your life to focus on than a ghost!