1. You wake up loving yourself and your single life where you’re concentrating on school and simply dating yourself. Turns out you make a great dining companion for yourself and can whip up some mean vegan enchiladas.
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2. You’re walking down the hall thinking about what you’ll have for dinner that night while stressing about your next French test when you see HIM…in all his “are you in an indie rock band?” glory.
3. He walks by you. Everything’s moving in slow motion. You not-so-subtly try to smell him. It’s magic.
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4. You get home. The song you’re listening to sounds like him. The apple you’re eating smells like him. Your brother standing in front of you looks like him….wait… RYAN, GET OUT OF MY ROOM!!!!
5. Study time! You end up stalking him on Instagram for 1.5 hours.
6. You’re back to January 2013 in his feed. You’re looking at a photo of him with his family (a family man! He’s perfect). Your finger slips. YOU ACCIDENTLY LIKE THE PHOTO. Your reflexes set in, and you unlike it within half a second. WILL HE SEE IT?! FULL PANIC.
7. He totally didn’t see it, you lie to yourself.
8. In the shower, you script your first encounter. It goes like this:
You: “Hey, yourself.”
Him: “Have I seen you before?”
You: A simple, flirty shrug.
Him: “What’s your name?”
You: “I’m sure you can find it out if you’re that interested.”
You walk away. He longingly stares at you as you leave.
And then….YOUR SHOWER TURNS ICE COLD. “RYAN!!!! I KNOW THAT WAS YOU FLUSHING THE TOILET!”
9. The next morning, you’re getting ready for school. You decide a little lipgloss won’t hurt. You spend 30 minutes as opposed to your normal 2 minutes on your makeup. You pick out the perfect outfit.
10. You don’t see him all day.
11. The next morning, you decide a little perfume won’t hurt. You sneak in and steal your mom’s expensive stuff.
12. MAYDAY. You smell like a dying grandmother.
13. You try to rub it off, but now your chest looks like it’s broken out into hives. Has it? Hopefully, you won’t see him today.
14. You see him walking it to school. He holds the door open for you. Your first encounter goes like this:
You: “Errrr. Um I’m good! What, no… HI!”
Him (pointing to chest): “Um, are those hives?”
15. You die inside.
16. Later, you stalk him on Twitter. You see a sexist fart joke tweet from two weeks ago. You feel the crush lifting, then separating from your body. Could it be!? Is it gone?!
17. You stalk his Instagram. No attraction whatsoever! It’s over!!
18. You rejoice! Back to solo vegan enchilada study nights for you!! YES!
19. Wait, who’s that guy standing next to him? He’s kinda cute….
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