The Honest Phases of PMS

The feels are all too real

Oh, PMS. You little sneaky snake you. On a bad day, you make the world gray and gloomy; on a good day, you’re a great excuse to eat Cheetos in bed while watching Real Housewives. But either way, we’re stuck with you (for the next couple of decades at least). So, here you have it, the honest phases of PMS:

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1. You’re going about your day like the glorious girl boss you are. The sun is shining, and if you’re being really honest, so are you… well, your forehead at least (Hey, it’s as hot out as Harry Styles right now).

2. You turn on the radio hoping to catch “Despacito” for the 17th hundred time today. A commercial about a blowout summer sale on frozen vegetables plays.

3. You start crying a wee bit.

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4. You change the station. Kesha’s “Praying” is playing. YOU CANNOT HANDLE IT. SHE’S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH AND CAME OUT SOME MUCH STRONGER AND THAT HIGH NOTE!?!

5. You check your cycle calendar. Oh… that makes a lot of sense.

6. On the bright side, your boobs look ahhh-mazzzzing.

7. But GOD THEY HURT.

7. You wake up in the morning to a MASSIVE zit. You promise yourself you will under no circumstance mess with it.

8. You mess with it. It’s so much worse now. So much worse.

10. And then just when things couldn’t get any worse, THE HUNGER HITS. YOU WANT TO EAT EVERYTHING IN SIGHT. And you do.

11. It’s like this:

12. And like this:

13. And then like this:

14. And then back to this:

15. Great. Now you feel bloated, greasy, and sticky from cheese dust.

15. This is when the cramps hit, and you’re sure your uterus is plotting against you. It goes something like this:

16. And this:

17: And this:

18. Your boyfriend tells you he’s so glad he’s not a girl.

19. You send him to buy tampons and Advil, and he BETTER NOT LOOK ASHAMED IN THE CHECKOUT LINE.

20. And then, your period comes, and you realize you’ll have to relive this glorious cycle all over again next month.

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Skylar Harrison
Skylar Harrison

Skylar is both word and food obsessed and once cried over spilt guacamole. And no, she doesn't want to talk about it. Follow her at @skylarharrison.

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