The Pros and Cons of Breaking Up and Getting Back Together

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LBH: We’re alllll obsessed with #Jelena (and #Miam, and everyone else who got back together this year!). Those crazy lovebirds just can’t seem to quit each other. They’ve been off and on so many times over the years, I’ve lost count.

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I might live for the drama just as much as anyone else, but as someone who’s personally experienced a number of my own off-and-on romantic relationships, I also know getting back together with an ex is no picnic.

Breaking up and getting back together can be an emotional roller coaster that also runs the risk of being toxic. If you’re wondering whether you should return to your ex, this is a time for some pretty deep thought. To make the decision-making process easier, here’s a list of pros and cons of getting back together with an ex.


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PRO: You’re Already SOOOO Comfortable With Each Other 

You know what they like on their pizza, and what’s in their Netflix queue. There are no awkward silences during small talk because you’re basically on the hundredth date already. You’re super comfortable with them, and you can ease back into a relationship without the regular hiccups that come with a new partner.


CON: You’re A Little TOOOO Comfortable With Each Other

Admit it: You both know which buttons to push when you want to. Because you’re both aware of your past bad behavior and flaws, it’s really easy to fall back into old patterns that are more harmful than good. Also, because it feels like the hundredth date, you both might not try as hard to be as romantic and positive as you would with a new partner and relationship.


PRO: Your Ex Has Changed 

All the little things that led to your breakup in the first place? Now your ex has done some serious soul-searching and has taken your breakup as an opportunity to change his or her ways, and has really worked on how to be better in the relationship this time around.


CON: It Won’t Be What It Used to Be  

Though you might be at ease with one another, and your ex has definitely worked on him or herself, it will be tough to duplicate the magic you once shared when it was good between you. You’ve had a breakup in between, which means there were probably some harsh words spoken and hurt feelings. Sometimes it’s easier to forgive than it is to forget.


PRO: It Could Be Way Better Than It Ever Was

Sometimes a break allows both partners to sit back and realize what, and who, they really want in life. If you’ve both taken the time to grow and evolve, and now want another shot at what you lost because you understand the value of what you shared, then you might have a real chance of having the happy ending you deserve.


CON: You Won’t Grow 

It’s important to pinpoint why exactly you want to return to your ex. Often it’s their familiarity and the fear of risking your heart with someone new that draws people back to former lovers.

But meeting and dating new people allows a world of experience, which helps lead you closer to discovering what you want, and don’t want, in a partner and relationship. Going back to the same person over and over might prevent you from truly evolving… and keep you from meeting a partner who is better suited to you.


At the end of the day, you will have to trust your heart, and go with what feels right FOR YOU. And remember: Even if it doesn’t work out, the important thing is you opened yourself up to the possibility of love again. Whether it’s with someone old or new, it’s always better to have loved and lost than to never love at all.

Brianne Hogan
Brianne Hogan

Brianne Hogan is a freelance writer in Toronto who loves coffee, cats and astrology. Her byline's been featured on HelloGiggles, Elle Canada, Flare, Thrillist, among others. Keep up with her on Twitter, Facebook or her blog.