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It’s natural to feel jealous from time to time. Maybe you’re jealous of your BFF who has a boyfriend because you’ve never had one. Maybe you’re jealous that your sister was the valedictorian because you barely make decent grades. Maybe you’ve felt a pang of jealousy when bae smiled at another girl. We’ve all been there. However, a visit from the green-eyed monster starts to become a problem when you start acting out of your jealousy, so much so that it begins to consume your life.
Insecurity, as well as comparing yourself constantly to the lives of others, are the main issues behind jealousy. When we see someone as “winning,” the green-eyed monster makes us feel threatened, or believe we aren’t good enough. Our perspective on the world around us, including our friends and family, turns negative and dark instead of positive and light-hearted.
When the jealz feelings take hold of you, here’s what to do about it.
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1. Own Your Jealous Feelings
When you own your jealousy — meaning, you acknowledge it and accept it — it starts to lose its ugly power. If you feel those jealz feelings creep up, say aloud to yourself, “I’m super jealous right now and I’m going to handle it.” When you’re able to admit your jealousy, you are one step closer to learning from it.
2. Learn From It
Your jealousy can actually be a major learning lesson for you. For example, if you’re jealous of your friend making the basketball team, if you dig a little deeper and ask yourself why you’re jealous, you’ll discover that playing basketball is something you’d also like to try. Rather than staying jealous at your friend, you sign up for a recreation league to improve your skills.
3. Process Your Emotions Mindfully
Sometimes the intensity of jealous feelings can be overwhelming. Instead of acting or speaking from your jealous mood, it’s best to take a moment to detach as much as you can from your feelings. Take a few deep breaths. Journal your feelings. Dance it out. Do whatever you need to do calm yourself and process your emotions. This means don’t angrily text bae or your bestie until after your feelings have subsided.
4. Give Bae/Your Bestie The Benefit of the Doubt
Take a good look at your relationship and/or friendship. Are you in a trusted, loving and solid relationship? Have you had any legit reason to doubt your loved one’s intentions and loyalty to you? If not, then you should take them at their word. If they say they have your back, believe them. Constantly questioning your relationship will only end up chipping away at the bond you share. Even if your go-to is to doubt someone, try to lean into trust. It’ll be worth it.
5. Remind Yourself of Your Awesomeness
Jealousy stems from a sense of low self-worth. In these moments of self-doubt, remind yourself of your awesomeness. Make a list of your most amazing traits. Say to yourself, “My best friend is really good at basketball, and I’m not. But I am really amazing at painting and sketching. And I feel really good about myself when I do that.” Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. It’s important to remember that, especially your own.
By managing your emotions, seeing the good in your loved ones and honoring your own amazingness, you’ll spending less and less time with the green-eyed monster.